“Show, don’t tell.”
“Don’t use passive voice.”
“Use active verbs.”
As writers, we’ve all heard these sorts of idioms and
catchphrases all the time. They’re often ill-explained, and when they are explained, they’re rarely given as
true applications. People act as if these sorts of things – passivity and
activity – are purely stylistic and so you can only pick them up through long
practices and technical exercises.
However, I’ve found that the application of active voice is
very simple, using two basic techniques. For sake of shortness of post, I’ll
talk about one today and one next Friday.
Today: the state of
mind
What is State of Mind?
Before anything else, I want to give credit where credit is
deserved. I didn’t come up with this phrase “state of mind”. I first heard this
phrase from a Mr. Daniel Schwabauer, and I’m not sure if he made it up or got
it from somewhere else.
Either way, that’s where my credit line starts and end, you
can pursue it as you will or not.
Now. “State of Mind” [SoM as it will be referred to
forthwith… wow I sound like a terms and agreement statement] is state simply
and complexly in this way: State of mind
is the current emotions and thoughts of a character at any given moment.
There.
I’m done here, go forth and write in active voice.
…
Okay, here’s the deal: SoM
is a continuous battle with your brain. It requires your mind to be
constantly working to make sure that your characters are also constantly
thinking and feeling. It’s hard work.
SoM requires you to make a commitment: a commitment to arduous writing instead
of lazy writing.
Writing a State of Mind
All right, so SoM is the current emotions and thoughts of
the POV character. Great. Good to know. Fantastic. I can feel the better writer
flowing through my veins already. Fabulous.
Now what?
All right. Let’s break this up and see how we apply each
part to an actually piece of writing:
Firstly, SoM is current.
I should be able to open your book, read two random paragraphs (or eight to ten
sentences if your paragraphs are super short) and know exactly what the POV
character is feeling and thinking. You
can’t get away with long spaces between emotion and thought updates.
SoM requires a lot of work because every few sentences you
need to hit refresh on the emotions. Even
if the character is still feeling the same thing as they were four sentences.
Think of SoM as a frame rate in a film or video game. Even if nothing is changing and the screen is
still and looks almost like a picture rather than a video, there’s still a
continuous changing of frames. There’s a dozen of the same image squashed into
one fraction of a second.
SoM is just like that. It’s a constant update, so we always know the current emotion.
Therefore, a direct application of SoM is this: you need it every few sentences (6-10 is probably a good gauge…
also variety is nice, so don’t just settle with a checklist of “okay, five
sentences, time for SoM and then five more sentences and then SoM and then five
sentences and then SoM and….).
Secondly, SoM deals with emotion.
It’s more than just TELLING us what emotions the character is feeling. Instead,
it’s showing the direct actions that
result from those emotions. Sure, a good reminder that sweaty palms are a form
of nervousness is fine, but I also need to see the sweaty palms, see the
character licking their lips and swallowing the lump in their throat and wiping
their hands on their trousers. These sorts of actions bring the emotion that the character is feeling to life.
So how do you directly apply SoM emotions to writing? Give us actions that correspond to the
emotion. Everyone once in a while, slip in a character beat: a small action
or reaction that describes an emotion. Like I just used above, a nervous
character will lick their lips, wipe their hands on their trousers, shift from
one foot to the other, keep an eye on the exit, move about a lot, fidget
nervously, play with things with their hands. Their Adam’s apple will bob,
their eyes will shift, their knees will shake, they’ll laugh pitifully, their
voice might squeak, and so forth.
You don’t need to use all
of the actions, just a few. However, give
us variety. If you’re using this every few sentences, you need a lot of
variety and a lot of different actions. This is where the work comes in.
Examining the emotion you’re using and coming up with a good dozen emotional
actions can be hard. Especially when you don’t want to just outright say: “he
was nervous”. That’s no good at all, and doesn’t give your reader anything to
work with.
That’s where the last part of SoM comes into play: SoM gives
us thoughts. You can alternate
between thoughts and emotions to create an SoM without have to be redundant
over and over and over. Now… what are these thoughts? They’re individualistic comments on the nouns surrounding the character.
What’s that supposed to mean? Basically, it’s when your character thinks something into the narrative. I’m
not a huge fan of direct-quote thoughts in italics. Few authors can pull it off
well and consistently enough (Robert Jordan is a good example of one who can).
Rather, it’s when your narration comes off as a unique thought. It’s a sentence
of narration that fits your character. For instance, the nervous character
above might insert sentences like “Calm. Everything is fine.” And then later “They
can’t tell. Surely they can’t tell. Can they?” And even later “No one’s guarding
the exit. A quick escape. Breathe.”
These aren’t direct thoughts, unless you stuff them into
italics, and so work as bits of narration. They can work as dialogue tags, or
as ways to break up descriptions of people, places, and things. These thoughts
can also be direct comments on
description, rather than on emotion. For instance, suppose a vase full of
flowers is described, If the character dislikes what the vase looks like,
something like “Quite ugly.” As a thought could follow the description and let
us know what the character is thinking.
These sorts of thoughts may sound passive, but they aren’t. They’re not direct descriptions or
actions, instead they’re side comments given by the main character’s
personality into the narrative.
You can intersperse these emotions and actions into your
narrative with little effort: one or the other every six to ten sentences isn’t
hard. Well… it is. Getting into the habit is hard, and maintaining continuity
is hard.
But it’s worth it. It’s a simple way to create active voice
where otherwise your reader sees no action, no emotion, and no thought. It’s
active, and it’s easy to get the hang of.
Oooooooo *bookmarks post for use in the very near future* Dude, have I mentioned how HELPFUL these posts are?? Me thinks you should write a book for writers... ;) I know I would buy it!!
ReplyDeleteAw well thanks. :) I'm glad these are helpful! ^_^
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